That’s not what I meant. You misunderstood me.

“You misunderstood what I was saying….” This is such
a common phrase especially amongst partners but also coworkers and family members. I decided at an early
age to not say something that I didn’t mean OR say
something and hope for something different. After
a few too many “misunderstandings” with
girlfriends and boyfriends, I decided that I would
always tell it like it was. A ‘no bull sh*t’ type of
person. I am truthful and sometimes too honest but I would never ever go out
to deliberately hurt someone.

Which brings me to the situation I had on Friday, I had a woman come to me and
say that I am the first instructor to make her feel horrible about herself. After the
shock wore off and I apologized for making her feel that way, I asked her what it
was I said that made her feel so bad. Her answer was a coaching point I raised
during the class to all of the participants about “you are what you eat and try not to overindulge this holiday season”. I have been in the health and fitness industry for
almost 10 years and have helped many people lose weight, gain weight, become
better athletes, etc. I know what it takes to get results and I do not say anything that
is not true. The reality is that 80% of what we do is nutrition and 20% is exercise.

Now this woman took what I said to actually mean I was calling her fat and weak
for not eating well. She worked out 6 days a week and still had plenty of weight
to lose. She knew her nutrition wasn’t perfect but she felt like I was attacking her
choices and without knowing her background I was making assumptions.

It took me a while to get the sick feeling away after speaking to this woman. I was
heart broken that I made her upset and told her what I actually meant and why I
said these things. Now I believe a great person can take any situation and turn it
into a learning situation, so I started to think about it. What lessons could I take
away from this?

So here goes:

Lesson #1: People will hear what they want to hear no matter what. I could not
 have said anything different and this woman would have felt this way.

Lesson#2:  People’s experiences, emotions and beliefs shape who they are and
what they value.

In a recent article in Psychology Toady, it is proven that  “As a result, the listener
infers a completely different meaning or intention than the speaker meant to
convey. This is because each person speaks against the background of his or her
personal history, experiences, impressions, beliefs, values and more.”

Lesson#3: Never assume people understand what you are saying unless you
explain it and have a follow-up with them.

This experience has reminded me that even though we live in a “cyber” world
with email, Facebook, Twitter and more, sometimes the outcome of what we say
may be taken in many different ways. And as with my story, even in person, we
sometimes need to clarify and explain. Once we understand what people beliefs
and values are, it will be easier to understand how they will react or see something
you say or comment on.

I salute the woman for having the courage to come and talk to me instead of venting
 or wallowing in her sorrows. I do not know if I changed what she thought I was
saying and I know I did not change her background or experiences that shape her
beliefs but hopefully I helped a little. I do know this was a good lesson to remind
me of the importance of how people react, respond and sometimes reject certain
ideas.

Balancing Personal Health and Wealth,

Lindsay

If you want to know more about my business, and me or the systems I use,
check out the link:

http://LSH.mlmleadsystempro.com